9/30/2010

Awakened today because the Pookie boy cat peed on me. I had been telling Steve that he no longer pees on the bed because I let him go out whenever he wants. Steve worries for his safety but I worry more about me. this morning as I wash everything on the bed Steve admits that I was right.

Weepy today!! the news of Joyce's death has caught up and I grieve. I loved her in the way one loves family-deep complex with more than a little shadow. I think that I always expected that we could clear things up and get back but now I realize that there was too much shadow between us. I should have cast her out of my life when Tom entered the picture but I could not. She was always the thin one the sophisticated one I was eternally the little sister to her. Now that is over without any input from me and I am weepy.

I dreamed that Amy brought Julie to see me. Amy was driving a huge car and driving fast. I don't remember any thing else.

Just let White Boy Pookie out. I pray that he is always safe out there and that my bed is always dry in here. By the way he only pees on my side.

This is the thought of the day and the thought of forever for Joyce and Lisa and my parents and Mr Comer and all of those I have known and loved



Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki:

People often say to me, "You're 81 years old; where do you get the energy from?" and I say, "I get it from that wholeness." I move out in my mind into that immensity of space and there is that, that warmth, that sense of welcoming. And I imagine myself there. I place myself there and I say to this wholeness, "I'm part of you. I came out of you. I'm going to go back into you. And I love you. I really do love you, in the deepest sense of that word, because I'm part of you. And at this moment, I could do with a little bit of you, a little bit more of you. I need some of your energy." And Thorn, I can feel it filling me up, and then, when I come back, it's there for me to use.