Monday, July 2, 2012

Okay I got into Singing Sparrow In The Morning which is the more recent blog.  I haven't been around here because my arms hurt and I want to speak more candidly than I want to publish although of course there are not any of the public rushing every morning to see what I was thinking and yet.....
I have identified myself publicly as a Pagan Christian-owning that I still love Jesus as I did really when I was told the tale for the first time but I am no longer Christian.  I don't believe that anyone is coming to take me home. I no longer believe tha Apotle's Creed nor the Nicene Creed and I don't think that Jesus most important teaching was that of crucifixion but rather the lessons to love each other and take care of each other and the crucifixion teaches us what will happen if we don't love each other

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Later Ash Wednesday 2/22/12

Well I have done some of my domestic obligations-dishes and sweeping and washing,etc all the while thinking about to whom I will write now that Cheri are at the end of fateful relationship. I loved writing her, loved the imagining of someone waiting to hear my every word. Well... now where?
I don't mind leaving off with Cheri-for a few weeks now I have known that she isn't really interested in talking and we can not talk politics because I am socialist and Cheri is right wing something and I simply shrunk back yesterday when she wrote something about Obama turning us into a socialist country and taking our free will away. this was so stupid that I have never expected this to come from someone I call friend-I honestly don't believe that I could be her friend for long because we don't share a foundation, a cultural agreement and in the end this is very very important to me. there is also alevel of self-doubt in her arrogance (I know I haven't written about this but she has Aquarius Moon and this gives her a coolness that feels arrogant to me)


Ash Wednesday:
Steve and I went to Ash Wednesday services today and we gladly walk around with our "smudge". We had not been to Mass in years and it felt so good to be there again in our own "home" church, St Joseph the Worker Church in Berkeley. I still miss Father Bill and Father George and Sister Evelyn but blessedly the body of the Mass goes on and on for each season and Sunday and Holy day. Today there seemed to be more people than I remember in years past-this for the English speaking Mass. The Spanish speaking community are much more numerous and they seem to have much much more fun than do we the English speakers.

I think that my brief "romance" with a beloved childhood friend is over. she routinely never writes or even responds and I finally am accepting this. Yesterday she wrote back about Obama turning us to a socialist nation and taking away all of our free choice and something in me just turned off-for those of us who are Socialist Obama is so far from this and even his feared and hated medical plan is not socialism but rather an attempt to cover us as medical expenses climb as high as the redwood trees.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Saturday 2/4/2012

My neighbor who was born and raised in India is already busy getting the garden in shape and is planning what will be planted. This Christain woman is full of St Brigit-I came across this poem in the Hecate Demeter's Daughter blog:


I am a secret agent
Of the Moon


Celestial subversive
Spirita Sancta


And then some

And I have friends.

~Barbara Starrett
I suspect that she, my neighbor,has never heard of St Brigit and yet she is walking in her steps. My grandfather, Hugh Box was born on Imbolc and was not a Christian.
HMMM-I accidentally typed his name as Hugh Boxx and this gave me the idea of changing my name to Clymela Boxx. I like the way the name Boxx looks

Thursday, January 5, 2012


The word came full born-FIDELITY-that "was it". I was wanting to describe the power that can keep a group together but has no material life of its own.

I was looking t the snap of Amy coming up the hall age say 14/15 months old and then I remembered1! and I was there for a minute 1626. I lacked Fidelity!!! and was therefore depressed-I was lacking an essential nutrient!!

Sunday, January 1, 2012


Okay this is the boulder: I retired 5/31/2009 and my income decreased but we were okay although talk of the loss of pensions scare me.
Sometime in 2010 Steve loses income-a decrease.
July 2011 /Steve comes to the end of "Dept of "Rehab"", receives last pay check first days of 08/2011.
Rent late 12/2011 somw luxuries cause me to enter the penniless space-we actually have some pennies but that is it.
Saturn in Leo in the 4th-natal-Saturn under attack-the end of the Church era,poverty, starkness, standing in relief-alone in shadow-blackwood. Appears to stand alone although here is the Moon/Pluto conjunction right HERE less than 7 degrees away locked in eternal embrace, the EMBRACE, right here for all of eternity to witness. That is the scandal here-what should take place in the darkest part-HEY the Moon/Pluto embrace is taking place in the darkest parts-taking place in my heart and I am thinking that Mars and Venus up there at the ascendant feel defensive and overwhelmed by that Holy Union taking place in my heart. nd given the placement of Pluto I suppose there is part of the Unholy Embrace there.

Friday, December 30, 2011


Well I can't really write friends and family: what I am dreaming and thinking are not really subjects for social interaction rather they are more individualized analysis of relationships and philosophy and religious issues.

I was so shocked by my response to her death. I hadn't thought of her as the last of my natal family and I sort of realized that I was unhinged,floating through eternity into the vast silent black psychic sky-The Void. I WAS OVERWHELMED!! I was shocked speechless by Buffy's death. She was always my lynch pin except for the period of our twenties. I thought that I was better than my sister a message I received from my mother. Now in my sixties I think that my mother projected her shadow onto Buffy and Buffy got a lot of hurt and ongoing pain because of that. I didn't realize this when I was younger and in fact there was quite a bit of withdrawal from the people in my daily life by the time I was pretty young-I developed ways of not knowing anything pretty early and hunkered down round my own make believe and Buffy and I were just getting used to knowing that we loved each other and that we needed each other and then she got sick and died and I was left behind and I have been changed by this and the fact that I will be 65 on my next birthday. I simply didn't believe that I came in alone and I will also leave alone. I know that this is almost cliche or at least the way we use the words.
I think that I am coming alive again and in a way I will never be a child again. Puer, so strong in me, is at last defeated. I was so frightened of this development that I have been depressed and I have wondered if I am not a little suicidal or at least I was for a moment there.
I am going to lay on the bed.