Sunday 9/5/2010

I am scattered all over the place. the changes of the past few weeks and the goings and comings of everyone in my immediate family have me scattered. I also realize that I cannot be blunt here and for that I have regret.

i went outside quickly to pull up squash plant that was overwhelmed by white fuzz and was taking up too much room next to the beans and spinach and the orange sun was so low in the sky and so warm and I took the diseased plants to the recycling barrel and all of a sudden I stood there in the absolute line of history of moments into infinity of human beings raising my plants and feeding my family and walking on the earth and feeding into this time of eternity. I felt shivers over my arms and even through my spirit. Participating in that which we have always been doing and which is only hidden now which still even now feeds us and nourishes us and protects us-will get us to another season of the warm days and evenings when life is easy even if full of work.

All this summer I have walked out to my garden, couple of squash, a few beans, a few greens,some spinach, some sage that i plan to use this autumn with the turkey and even with the turkey soup. I have loved the peace in my little garden but today I felt my place in the line and remember my grandparents who gardened and canned and cooked and washed and made a living that way after all the money was gone and the crops were given up on. My grandmother hated my grandfather because he was a failure with the money always heading out to the West not staying with his people, the Chalfants in Where? and why do I go back to these subjects over and over. I would rather sstay where I was that moment where the little things are gone now and all that remains is survival and that is beautiful.

OOOH! i am weary of the old Saturn Moon Pluto in Leo in the 4th-over,over and over my family, maternal family,history.