7/11/10

The big Equinox today. I plan to plant green beans and more greens today so that they will have the power of the Equinox in them. Watching a PBS special on the black soldiers of the Civil War. Horrible treatment even a riot in NYC in which black people were lynched and their homes and businesses were destroyed. Hideous. I don't think that could happen now so I imagine I can say that there has been some evolution of the society. I hope that is what has happened although what is going on now directed toward the immigrant workers is scary. the governor of Arizona made a statement referring to the heads of decapitated victims to be found in the desert. The law in Arizona reads that peace officers must pull a driver over if they believe that the driver looks like an illegal alien. Well isn't that going to be anyone with brown skin.
I saw something so funny on MSNBC the other day: A Mexican ambassador was being interviewed regarding conditions between Mexico and the US but the interviewer was having a hard time trying to talk rough to the ambassador about the crime in Mexico,etc. and why? Well the ambassador had evidently been raised in private schools so long that he has a British accent and he was definitely Caucasian appearing. The interviewer definitely stumbled over what I am thinking would have been easier for her if the ambassador appeared to be "Mexican"-you know more Indian with brown skin and low hairline and thick "Mexican" accent.
Maybe the interviewers discomfort trying to rise above her pre-judgments but this is of course not funny. I have so many family members with Latin surnames,so many friends who are actually of Mexican descent and of course my beloved Steve with his "over-assimilated" mother and his Latin last name.
And there is what we did to those of Japanese descent during WW ll and then the only time nuclear bombs have been used was on the Japanese not on the Europeans.
WE hear and read about racial/ethnic wars all over the world I imagine they could happen here again if conditions are correct-the level of despair, the loss of hope.

The changes in eating are really creating changes in my body chemistry. I had an 88 blood sugar level upon awakening. Too low and I imagine brought on by eating too little last night. I am eating less and walking more and that does seem to be what my body has wanted.

I was surprised when I "remembered" what I felt like when I was eating in synch with my own physical self-the level of fullness and the quality of the energy moving through my body. When I eat out of control I get an image of something like plaster of paris (the computer thinks that I should capitalize paris here but I am correct-I looked it up). I keep on the path by eating only natural food-food in its natural state not what the commercial food people call natural- and food prepared simply. Mostly this is food that I cook since purchasing food that someone else has prepared is so expensive.

The other day I "slipped" and ate a MilkyWay" and felt the effects in my body for 18 hours-I definitely was craving processed sugar and my appetite was zoomed up, out-of-control like it was for years-from the beginning of menopause at age 53. I understand how much what I was eating hurt me and I realize now that working under the conditions in which I was working really took a toll but like all working folk I hung in until I was eligible for a pension that almost took my life-the week in ICU while the doctors figured out how to get my A-fib under control. And to this day I use warfarin,digoxin, and other drugs and I think I will be even when the weight loss and daily exercise will decrease the amount of metformen,etc needed.

I was tired and could not keep the changes I needed in place-I tried but time after time I would give up. thank god that is behind me now. I am in the true beginning of the last third. So strange to say that. So strange my friends and I will come to our end. Wonder if like Mama I will need to go out suddenly because such a fighter I would always pull through. Oh I think of Mama and her friends all those mothers whom I loved so dearly and was startled to know that they were gone-the world lost some of the permanence I counted on. Well now the permanence of my own generation is being challenged. Death!!! the big thing.