I think that I had a dream last night of standing in the meeting place in the St Joseph The Worker Church and the woman who first shepherded us at the beginning of the RCIA and she was saying forcibly that I was not suited to Catholicism. I don't remember this clearly but it is there a corner of it and it, the memory, has that quality of dreams.
I have been thinking of myself as someone who does not pay debts, who lives on the outside of society, who does not encourage her child to feel part of society and then frets when the child goes bad. I have lived as a reject and the Church is all about keeping folk from getting lost like I have been.
Of course this is not all that I have lived but wham!! it sure has power now-I have stirred up a lot with this outward expression of my love of Roman Catholicism-a part of me knows that I am not that simple-there is more much more and in part I have lived a dissolute life or at least on the inside I have in certain areas.
I guess the dream was saying that I can not take a child's way but will have to accept an adult resolution,will have to walk on my own two feet toward life as I know it in my maturity. I will however continue with my studies and meditations,etc.
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