5/19/2011

"Can a horse tell you what it means to be human? How can a horse get beyond the boundaries of being a horse and say what it means to be human? Why do we think a human being can say what it means to be God? And yet we’ve done that; we’ve done that and we said that we’ve got it so right that if you don’t believe it we’ll burn you at the stake. That’s a very strange idea." ~John Shelby Spong.

Okay after the days of laying around with curtains drawn so that my neighbors could not witness me laying around like a drunkard. I was stuck in the past saying over and over"Mama,Daddy, Grandpa Box,Buffy, Lady and Blackie all gone. I never thought that everyone would pass before me. Some narcissisist imagination that I would drag my natal family along into eternity forever fixed as my psychological/spiritual co-actors eternally acting out their assigned roles, assigned by me of course.
Yesterday I was reading SOW (Stars Over Washington) and the puzzle box contained these characters: BUFFl and I took this as Burry reaching out beyond this life where she is now and I felt shocked by Angelic energy and my energy just tumbled around into another space and the depression is lifting.

Truthfully the depression has been lifting for a few days and prayer and the Flower Essence medicine have been powerful companions lifting me out of the tar of depression and despair and doubt.

I cringe so when on Huffington Post I encounter the atheists and the angry rebellion of the younger people. God has always been central to my consciousness even though I have no idea at all what G-d is or what I mean by that word. I also cringe when some express an idea that would make God something like a giant human being much as a child must perceive the father who is often absent and has a big gruff voice and "lays down the law".

I still have all the problems that I have had-the anti-depressants that I have used for a least ten years now and the opiate pain relievers that I have been using for around seven years until now I use them daily for arthritis and injuries. The over-eating is fading from the ascendancy it had for several years but I know that it could return at anytime unless I find my way to a life of "fit spiritual condition". I consider all this drug use hinders my spiritual growth although I will say that I have matured in many areas even with these issues.

I have offered to be Ann Maire's in-home-aide while she recuperates from hip replacement and this has brought up the idea that I like in-home-service and I would like to train to do hospice work as a sort of nurse's aide much like people who are the providers in the IHSS program. I don't have the physical strength to do this full time or to give care to someone much larger than I but i would really,really like to serve.

I need a little more income plus I need to get out of the house-two ideas: return to church and find work assisting those who are preparing to make the last transition-death.

Okay time to work on the Rosary for a bit. I discovered a wonderful little book on studying the rosary as discipline and meditation-forgot that I have it and it is just what I needed.

Praying for the people losing their homes to the Misissippi.