5/21/2011

Okay I awakened at my unreasonable time of about 4"15 AM to the request of the young cats so that they can go out for their early morning romp and then I went back to bed and tried to sleep but that was hopeless because of aches and pains and I took a pain pill and got up once it took affect.
I came out to the living room and opened up the computer and arvin was watching a Cheech and Chong movie. I was sickened by the jokes about drugs and unrelated sex and general lawlessness. this was once funny to me but now in my sixties it is frightening. How cruel to fill the children with these thoughts when they don't even know how to earn a living and are utterly untutored in their religious traditions. Arvin had Limewire hooked up on the computer and when I tried to get rid of it a pertagram came up on the screen an evil one upside down depicting erotic images of a male fully aroused and in a position of maximum salaciousness. I was shocked and turned immediately to explain to Arvin the evil of this image and he said that he knew and I explained that he must turn away from this and he said that he would not. I am horrified and I blame myself becuase I didnot raise his mother as a Catholic or even as Christian. I was so angry with the Christians who threw me away and allowed me to be overwhelmed by evil. Because I was young and so impoverished both in money and in family and culture I rejected my origins and pretended to be godless and free and sophisticated which I was not and I fell into evil and raised my child in evil with absolutely no religious instruction-I was drawn to the Catholics because they are free of the hysteria of the Protestants. One only needs to profess one's faith in jesus and the Saints and one is embraced into an ancient tradition. I didn't feel worthy though and so did not follow through not realizing how easily I would be embraced and therefore denying Amy the promise of faith and the foundation of Catholicism which keeps us strong in the world even if we stray in our youth.
I baptized Arvin this morning in the air and I will baptize him today with water and I will see to it that he receives his full instruction and I am going to ask Amy if she wants to attend the RCIA at St Joseph the Worker this fall with me and I plan to baptize Courtney and to get her into the Church as well. This is our only hope. I really believe that our failure as a family is due to this vulnerabilty to the Evil One. I really believe this.