Oct 18,2010

Okay so I was wondering what the Universe wants me to do and viola!! Courtney and her friends are here making themselves at home and sharing their experiences through Tarot readings and astrology and talk and one of her friends like herself just didn't get schooled nor was she mothered just left on her own. these are the children we see on the streets in Berkeley and over at People's Park. I know that "we" should be helping these children and I don't even know where to start. god I wish that I was a social worker, a community worker.etc.
Well now is the time to begin. Rev Green will be over today and I am going to introduce him to Jenna so that he can give us some tips on getting her ready for the world.
I am so lit up-I just didn't realize what was going on with Courtney, just didn't see how really left out she has been-left out and ignored and denied any real opportunity to keep up jeez any real opportunity to get in the game of life and these beautiful young women are just sitting on the sidelines watching wishing that they could get in the play but they don't know how.
Whew what a relief to not have to stay forever in the confines of premature maternity or youthful maternity which still hurts so much that I am terrified of it. I don't have to spend the rest of life with Lisa and Shawn and my inability to mother them and protect them-failure at age 17 utter failure and I can leave that behind now. Thank you FatherMother God-I suffered long enough in that garden and I can step out now into life and get to work. I am really interested in this-how to help these girls get a grip and get through the "make-up" work so that they can proceed into a life of meaning and money and plans and dreams.
I am really lit up inside thinking about this and I feel as if I have been released. I do not have to work forever on my maternity but rather I can work "in"my area of strength and expertise: the gaining and nurturing of consciousness. At last maternity is only part of the whole not the entire range of being. At last my childrren are now grown and mature and Courtney as much as I have always been in her life is not my daughter rather she is my granddaughter and I am freed from the restrictions of maternity. I can now focus where I love to use my talents-in the recognition of the importance of consciousness and in the nurturing of consciousness as the very foundation of life. Whoooo! this is the meaning of the trine from Sun&Mercury in the second in Gemini trine Neptune in the 6th retrograde in Libra-spiritual "work" and all of it grounded in the primary lessons in the home and family.
Okay-I resorted to the pain meds yesterday and felt better for it but I used literally a third of what I used in the past. Tricky stuff and hopefully once I am fully recovered from the virus I can go days without using the pills. Everyday I must remind myself and work to change my patterns of toxic introversion and isolation. Back to school indeed. SF State still offers free education for old people and I am going to look into this because I need concrete instruction on community organizing and outreach.
Here is the answer to Father Scanlon: I am reaching out a friendly hand to those girls on the meat market or at least to those girls who haven't been mothered nor encouraged