Okay I awakened at my unreasonable time of about 4"15 AM to the request of the young cats so that they can go out for their early morning romp and then I went back to bed and tried to sleep but that was hopeless because of aches and pains and I took a pain pill and got up once it took affect.
I came out to the living room and opened up the computer and arvin was watching a Cheech and Chong movie. I was sickened by the jokes about drugs and unrelated sex and general lawlessness. this was once funny to me but now in my sixties it is frightening. How cruel to fill the children with these thoughts when they don't even know how to earn a living and are utterly untutored in their religious traditions. Arvin had Limewire hooked up on the computer and when I tried to get rid of it a pertagram came up on the screen an evil one upside down depicting erotic images of a male fully aroused and in a position of maximum salaciousness. I was shocked and turned immediately to explain to Arvin the evil of this image and he said that he knew and I explained that he must turn away from this and he said that he would not. I am horrified and I blame myself becuase I didnot raise his mother as a Catholic or even as Christian. I was so angry with the Christians who threw me away and allowed me to be overwhelmed by evil. Because I was young and so impoverished both in money and in family and culture I rejected my origins and pretended to be godless and free and sophisticated which I was not and I fell into evil and raised my child in evil with absolutely no religious instruction-I was drawn to the Catholics because they are free of the hysteria of the Protestants. One only needs to profess one's faith in jesus and the Saints and one is embraced into an ancient tradition. I didn't feel worthy though and so did not follow through not realizing how easily I would be embraced and therefore denying Amy the promise of faith and the foundation of Catholicism which keeps us strong in the world even if we stray in our youth.
I baptized Arvin this morning in the air and I will baptize him today with water and I will see to it that he receives his full instruction and I am going to ask Amy if she wants to attend the RCIA at St Joseph the Worker this fall with me and I plan to baptize Courtney and to get her into the Church as well. This is our only hope. I really believe that our failure as a family is due to this vulnerabilty to the Evil One. I really believe this.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
5/20/2011
Prayer for Mercy on the Souls in Purgatory
My Jesus, by the sorrows Thou didst suffer in Thine agony in the Garden, in Thy scourging and crowning with thorns, in the way to Calvary, in Thy crucifixion and death, have mercy on the souls in purgatory, and especially on those that are most forsaken; do Thou deliver them from the dire torments they endure; call them and admit them to Thy most sweet embrace in paradise.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Eternal Rest, etc
Purgatory seems an idea influenced by ideas
My Jesus, by the sorrows Thou didst suffer in Thine agony in the Garden, in Thy scourging and crowning with thorns, in the way to Calvary, in Thy crucifixion and death, have mercy on the souls in purgatory, and especially on those that are most forsaken; do Thou deliver them from the dire torments they endure; call them and admit them to Thy most sweet embrace in paradise.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Eternal Rest, etc
Purgatory seems an idea influenced by ideas
Thursday, May 19, 2011
5/19/2011
"Can a horse tell you what it means to be human? How can a horse get beyond the boundaries of being a horse and say what it means to be human? Why do we think a human being can say what it means to be God? And yet we’ve done that; we’ve done that and we said that we’ve got it so right that if you don’t believe it we’ll burn you at the stake. That’s a very strange idea." ~John Shelby Spong.
Okay after the days of laying around with curtains drawn so that my neighbors could not witness me laying around like a drunkard. I was stuck in the past saying over and over"Mama,Daddy, Grandpa Box,Buffy, Lady and Blackie all gone. I never thought that everyone would pass before me. Some narcissisist imagination that I would drag my natal family along into eternity forever fixed as my psychological/spiritual co-actors eternally acting out their assigned roles, assigned by me of course.
Yesterday I was reading SOW (Stars Over Washington) and the puzzle box contained these characters: BUFFl and I took this as Burry reaching out beyond this life where she is now and I felt shocked by Angelic energy and my energy just tumbled around into another space and the depression is lifting.
Truthfully the depression has been lifting for a few days and prayer and the Flower Essence medicine have been powerful companions lifting me out of the tar of depression and despair and doubt.
I cringe so when on Huffington Post I encounter the atheists and the angry rebellion of the younger people. God has always been central to my consciousness even though I have no idea at all what G-d is or what I mean by that word. I also cringe when some express an idea that would make God something like a giant human being much as a child must perceive the father who is often absent and has a big gruff voice and "lays down the law".
I still have all the problems that I have had-the anti-depressants that I have used for a least ten years now and the opiate pain relievers that I have been using for around seven years until now I use them daily for arthritis and injuries. The over-eating is fading from the ascendancy it had for several years but I know that it could return at anytime unless I find my way to a life of "fit spiritual condition". I consider all this drug use hinders my spiritual growth although I will say that I have matured in many areas even with these issues.
I have offered to be Ann Maire's in-home-aide while she recuperates from hip replacement and this has brought up the idea that I like in-home-service and I would like to train to do hospice work as a sort of nurse's aide much like people who are the providers in the IHSS program. I don't have the physical strength to do this full time or to give care to someone much larger than I but i would really,really like to serve.
I need a little more income plus I need to get out of the house-two ideas: return to church and find work assisting those who are preparing to make the last transition-death.
Okay time to work on the Rosary for a bit. I discovered a wonderful little book on studying the rosary as discipline and meditation-forgot that I have it and it is just what I needed.
Praying for the people losing their homes to the Misissippi.
Okay after the days of laying around with curtains drawn so that my neighbors could not witness me laying around like a drunkard. I was stuck in the past saying over and over"Mama,Daddy, Grandpa Box,Buffy, Lady and Blackie all gone. I never thought that everyone would pass before me. Some narcissisist imagination that I would drag my natal family along into eternity forever fixed as my psychological/spiritual co-actors eternally acting out their assigned roles, assigned by me of course.
Yesterday I was reading SOW (Stars Over Washington) and the puzzle box contained these characters: BUFFl and I took this as Burry reaching out beyond this life where she is now and I felt shocked by Angelic energy and my energy just tumbled around into another space and the depression is lifting.
Truthfully the depression has been lifting for a few days and prayer and the Flower Essence medicine have been powerful companions lifting me out of the tar of depression and despair and doubt.
I cringe so when on Huffington Post I encounter the atheists and the angry rebellion of the younger people. God has always been central to my consciousness even though I have no idea at all what G-d is or what I mean by that word. I also cringe when some express an idea that would make God something like a giant human being much as a child must perceive the father who is often absent and has a big gruff voice and "lays down the law".
I still have all the problems that I have had-the anti-depressants that I have used for a least ten years now and the opiate pain relievers that I have been using for around seven years until now I use them daily for arthritis and injuries. The over-eating is fading from the ascendancy it had for several years but I know that it could return at anytime unless I find my way to a life of "fit spiritual condition". I consider all this drug use hinders my spiritual growth although I will say that I have matured in many areas even with these issues.
I have offered to be Ann Maire's in-home-aide while she recuperates from hip replacement and this has brought up the idea that I like in-home-service and I would like to train to do hospice work as a sort of nurse's aide much like people who are the providers in the IHSS program. I don't have the physical strength to do this full time or to give care to someone much larger than I but i would really,really like to serve.
I need a little more income plus I need to get out of the house-two ideas: return to church and find work assisting those who are preparing to make the last transition-death.
Okay time to work on the Rosary for a bit. I discovered a wonderful little book on studying the rosary as discipline and meditation-forgot that I have it and it is just what I needed.
Praying for the people losing their homes to the Misissippi.
Friday, May 13, 2011
5/13/2011
So I quit writing here because i wrote some things that I don't want to own in public and turned to writing only on my machine and posting there and then after my sister's death 4/29/2011 I am wanting to write in public which is a joke as if I have a public. Still there is something about writing here that is public like having company and right now I want company.
These are troubled days for me. Buffy "came down"with a small cell carcinoma and was gone in nine months-4/29/2011 a week after she turned 63 in that hated month of childhood when we were the same age until my birthday 5/25. She underwent a long and rigorous chemo treatment and yet she went so fast. One thing lung cancer and melanoma are relatively merciful in that one goes fast and there is little pain, relatively,
The doctors said that she had tumors on the liver and the thyroid and something caused her to lose her sight and she just sunk deeply into the end.
Another day laying on the bed listening to MSNBC the same stories told by everyone all day long and the only difference is the type delivery according to the persona of the word giver. My reaction today is 1)Ron Paul is a liar ignoring problems saying well that will go away if people are free!". What a LYING,DECEIVING OLD MAN. And 2)The CIA is lying regarding Bin Laden and pornography-they have done this so many times to different people when believing that any positive regard for the person must be assassinated as well.
I am moping the kitchen floor-FINALLY!!! I want a quiet life with some order and consistency and quiet. I want to live with Steve and the cats and read and recover my heqlth and strength.
These are troubled days for me. Buffy "came down"with a small cell carcinoma and was gone in nine months-4/29/2011 a week after she turned 63 in that hated month of childhood when we were the same age until my birthday 5/25. She underwent a long and rigorous chemo treatment and yet she went so fast. One thing lung cancer and melanoma are relatively merciful in that one goes fast and there is little pain, relatively,
The doctors said that she had tumors on the liver and the thyroid and something caused her to lose her sight and she just sunk deeply into the end.
Another day laying on the bed listening to MSNBC the same stories told by everyone all day long and the only difference is the type delivery according to the persona of the word giver. My reaction today is 1)Ron Paul is a liar ignoring problems saying well that will go away if people are free!". What a LYING,DECEIVING OLD MAN. And 2)The CIA is lying regarding Bin Laden and pornography-they have done this so many times to different people when believing that any positive regard for the person must be assassinated as well.
I am moping the kitchen floor-FINALLY!!! I want a quiet life with some order and consistency and quiet. I want to live with Steve and the cats and read and recover my heqlth and strength.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
3/29/2011
Sun is bright and the sky is blue and miraculous green washes,literally washes the ground of our lives. I am acting up/acting out and eating sushi rice n ad soy sauce and rice vinegar and stacking the lunch dishes and psyching up to clean out the bucket that gets use as a recycling items clean it out so that I can wash the floor and speed up the lighting of the kitchen with early spring light and bleach and hot water.
I want the opportunity to write the things that come to mind and feel connected with "the collective"
I want the opportunity to write the things that come to mind and feel connected with "the collective"
Sunday, March 27, 2011
3/27/2011
So I always have trouble if I save a piece and want to go back. this time I will just start a new page and connect up with these words alerting me to what I remember about blogspot.com. I don't feel like writing now.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
