2/2/2011

so there is movement. Phone call from Randy. He needs to set up Buffy's care, He eeds t wirk without being drawn to stay home with his mother who is mortally ill in his home. I will need now to go get her (maybe he can bring her). I need to move us out of our bedroom and prepare the room for her. I need to get a double bed and a chest of drawers. I need to move our life and reform it out here and accept that life is different now and will be lived at different rhythm even perhaps a different key.

I am frightened and I don't mean to be negative and all excited over grimness but I am told that she will get really worse really fast and she will die. As she grows weaker her mental connection dims. She is my last connection to the house in Moscow the house of my childhood. I spent my first four years in California and then my father picked up my sister and myself and we all drove across the country from California to Kansas. Our grandfather Box was the last joiner. when my sister goes it is as if the book ends and I am left on my own with people who were not there,strangers in ways just as I am also the stranger in their lives.