06/18/2010

So....I was tired today although in a better place than yesterday but I erred today in a way that I would undo if only I could.

My dear friend,B,was here writing in her blogger.com that Steve and I have set up for her until we can get our spare E-machine updated and she can get on the internet. Well at any rate we were laughing and I had read her piece and we were laughing about her description of the Judge and one can imagine how a mother would have described him. At any rate she wanted to read my post of the morning and I forgot utterly the paragraph regarding A. and my perception of him and his predicament. I utterly forgot and she was kidding me about my description of the Judge and the attorneys when she drew a deep breath and said "why did you call A a creep?" and I "remembered" then. And then she said why did you say he hurt that girl when you know that she said nothing happened? I Gemini nut that I am said "well,B. you know that she has been through extensive therapy now and the story is different, she obviously didn't have the self-esteem to say what had happened to her. You must know this ,B.? Well no mother knows this when her son who has manipulated her for years and years is fighting for his life.

My friend jumped up in tears and said "I have to go" which is so understandable given her level of exhaustion,fear and anxiety. I am praying that we can find a way over this. Immediately it so very important that A's public support not go down-Steve and I must be there to keep up appearances (can we believe that I clymela would worry about appearances?)for the Judge's sake.

But the real issue for me is that I have hurt someone I love and who I would never have hurt. She so does not deserve to have this in her mind at this point. She needs all the support and security life offers and I have just mucked in that. I know that at sometime we would need to have "this conversation" but not now and not in this way. My words were harsh and blunt and so honestly my opinion that I would never have shared this with anyone but Steve and of course the entire English speaking world via the internet but really only Steve and sometimes Joyce.